Wow. The fact that you are so conscious and aware of what you are feeling and going through means that you love them. As a teacher for over 20 years, I know kids do turn out okay, even if they are given 100 x worse treatment than that. You have love, you have awareness. let those kids heal you, Car trips are the worst. I have never met a parent so saintly that they never lost their shit on a long road trip. My husband is zen, calm, never even reprimanded our kids for anything when they were small. I did all that. I was the mean Mum. Once, after a 5 hour roadtrip with a car sick daughter and a bored older brother fighting and sniping over custody of the arm rest in the middle of the back seat. My husband, the zen one, lost his shit. They had, as most kids do, ignored all my threats, He put his arm behind his driver's seat and tried to grab their ankles. He meant business. They immediately lifted their legs up and moved out of reach. He never touched them, They shut up completely, not a peep, not a sound, not even a dirty look between them for the next 90 minutes, when we got to the in-laws for our holiday.
A previous time, I flashed a large packet of chocolate Freddo frogs in their direction. When they started their first fight, I unwrapped one and promptly threw it out the window. They continued sniping and criticizing, whack ing and flicking each other . I unwrapped another chocky frog and ate it. That stopped them dead. I unwrapped another, offered it to Zen husband. He nodded no and I threw it out the open window. # Freddos down they shut up.
I don't have any solution for you. I know for real that at a kids birthday party one 8 year old said her daddy threatened to drive his family of four off the nearby cliffs. I know another one stopped across a railway crossing and refused to drive the car off until the fighting stopped.
None of this helps you. But, maybe put your wonderfully tolerant son into the front passenger seat, and your daughter behind you in her booster seat. Or, get those rellies to come and see you.
I have no solutions. Just know that every parent I've ever met loses their shit on road trips. It's completely normal. Don't beat yourself up.
You are doing great. When you needed to get out and scream, you did. Good choice. The best choice. You did the necessary. You did it.
Don't waste time feeling guilty. Eat more chocolate torte, especially you, and take headphones so you don't hear those infuriating computer game noises.
You'll be okay, they'll be okay. It's all normal. You are not your mother. You have oodles of love.
Love is all you need. Your human. You're expected to lose your shit on road trips. I've never met anyone who didn't. and, like I said, it was the only time my husband ever tried to touch them in anger.
One is a scientist and the other is a lawyer, both have bought their own homes outright and are in their very early 30s. No psychopaths, no therapy, no psychologists needed. They turned out okay, with a crazy Mum who threatened them daily.
It will all be okay. Great article, but didn't anyone ever tell you that siblings always fight. It's in the DNA, or something.
Just sit with them and watch some lame Disney movie with them both, make popcorn, get takeaway for tea. Sit in your PJs with a kid on either side and laugh at Shaun the Sheep, or Moanna, Encanto, the original Shrek. Whatever floats your boat. Relax, and like you said, let them heal you.
Simple.
