Fire Obsession

Hovering in a well of depression well after the trauma is over.

I first saw flames at dusk on December 11th

My home overlooks a valley bordered by a mountain that was on fire for over a month. A raging forest bushfire that spread 1622 hectares or 16.6 square miles; about the size of a small island.

After losing my old house to fire 26 years ago, I became paranoid about losing my house again. Our new home has walls of glass; wide doors and windows without curtains. Wherever I went on one side of the house, I could see the fire. As I went from bedroom to living room, lounge room to dining room, kitchen to anywhere else I could glance over. On school holidays from teaching work, after a while I couldn’t not see smoke and fire.

Smoke creeping, dancing, swaying through the eucalypt forest on the mountain. 14/12/2019

• I stood at glass doors watching smoke billow and blow for ages.
• I watched so long I lost track of time; standing so long my feel hurt.
• I looked at the fire mountain way too often and imagined the worst.
• I constantly searched the fire grounds for flames through binoculars.
• I listened to national radio news about the bushfire crisis on a loop.